What is the wrong with the world

Yesterday I was over at my girl Ana's reading this post and it made total sense to me. I have to agree, I am not colorblind and I don't think that you should use it that way. If your colorblind in the sense that you treat/judge people based on their acts great. But this is the problem I had today.

As many of you know I have been "working" and now that school is out there are plenty of older kids that wouldn't be there while I was there. (I usually leave around noon or 1pm) Most of these kids are good kids, aren't to loud, mess with the dog to badly, etc but of course like any school there aren't a few bad apples. P and M have been there a lot longer than me so of course they think they aca get away a lot of things like not taking off their shoes, pushing the younger ones around, etc. Now I don't know their home situation but I do know that at least one of them is mixed. Today P called me the N word. I know I know, I just threw it out there but it's like pulling a band-aid off, gotta do it quick.

I was a little pissed when he said that. I asked him if he knew the meaning of the word, he said "yes, that he was cool", that his brother calls him that, all with a smile on his face. I told him that that word is not a "cool" word, that that is what slave owners call black (notice i didn't use it in past tense), that is what white supremacy call black people. His response? "Your a n***** too."
My response? "No, I am not and neither are you. That is not a word to be proud of. It's not a word that you should be saying just to say. That is a derogatory word."

I was a little thrown off as to what I should tell him. I don't know him well enough to tell him a whole lot, I don't know what his family life is, so did I say enough? Did I tell him enough to make him understand the meaning of the word? I doubt it. What I wanted to tell him is how mean, spiteful, ignorant, hateful word that word is? That it's not something that we should be using i our everyday life? That just because it's used in rap music doesn't make it a good word? That it's not cool to be one? Read this article, or this one from Ebony. It's not a word I ant my daughter to know/hear but I can't keep it from her. I know that sooner or later it will come up. I will have to tell her about the first time I heard the word, what it means, etc. But P is not my kid I can't tell him that. I can't tell him that his is one of the few words out there that has done so much harm to us as a race/culture, the pain that our ancestors felt upon hearing that word. I wanted to much to hug him and tell him what the word really means. But I can't. All I can do is hold onto the pain and hope that things change.

Goals

I have finally made up my mind, and I think my mother would be happy. I am going back to school. I may have said this before but I am really going to go thru with it this time. I went the the junior college here and got the books so I can plan for next semester, not the winter semester but the spring/summer one. That way I have time to plan for Savie, find grants/financial aid (if I qualify), and look for a house. I figure that by the time we move, he stops working long enough to get his contractors license things should be settled down enough for me to go to school. Especially since I plan on doing online classes and Savie won't be in school just yet. I'm hoping that by the time I put her in day care/prechool I will be ready for 2-3 classes and not stressing to much, lol.

Which brings up another subject, putting Savie in daycare. I don't see the point since I am not working and we spend time out with other kids. I mean, why waste the money that we don't really have, on putting her in school now when I am not doing anything else during the day? I mean if I was working, or in school, then yeah I will put her in school but for now there's no need. And it's not like we don't spend time with other kids and are not social, we are. We have a pretty wide schedule where we do do certain things on certain day, ie story hour or going to the park, but we are active. Everyday is something, even if we just have to go wash clothes we are out doing something. Well it's way past the little one's bedtime so I guess I better go put her to bed, lo. Have a great night ladies.

Sounds familiar

Finally another mom who knows how I feel about Savie's not talking. I was wondering around the other moms from 5 minutes for Mom main page and I was looking around at Flip Flop Momma's blog . She was talking about the check-up she had for her 15 month old and they were talking about her 'not talking'. I know how she feels. This is the same thing I felt when I left the Dr.'s office after Savie's last visit. I felt like there must be something wrong with me because am the one with her all day, everyday and yet here she is at 24 months and still not talking. But then I got to thinking about all the things she is doing. She's interested in reading to herself or Halley (our dog) or one of her stuffed animals, she's coloring by herself, very concerned with what other kids at the library/park/whatever are doing and is more than happy to just run up to any kid in the grocery store and "talk" to them, so it's not like she's not aware of what is going on.

This past Wed I had to leave her with a friend for 2 hours, this is a first for both of us. usually I will leave her with Mike but he had to work so I left her with a friend and when I came back to get he she told me that she was very helpful, said 'please' and 'thank you' a lot, colored and did all the things a kid does. This made me feel so much better about leaving her. Off to do a few more things.