Wednesday, May 28, 2008
As many of you know I have been "working" and now that school is out there are plenty of older kids that wouldn't be there while I was there. (I usually leave around noon or 1pm) Most of these kids are good kids, aren't to loud, mess with the dog to badly, etc but of course like any school there aren't a few bad apples. P and M have been there a lot longer than me so of course they think they aca get away a lot of things like not taking off their shoes, pushing the younger ones around, etc. Now I don't know their home situation but I do know that at least one of them is mixed. Today P called me the N word. I know I know, I just threw it out there but it's like pulling a band-aid off, gotta do it quick.
I was a little pissed when he said that. I asked him if he knew the meaning of the word, he said "yes, that he was cool", that his brother calls him that, all with a smile on his face. I told him that that word is not a "cool" word, that that is what slave owners call black (notice i didn't use it in past tense), that is what white supremacy call black people. His response? "Your a n***** too."
My response? "No, I am not and neither are you. That is not a word to be proud of. It's not a word that you should be saying just to say. That is a derogatory word."
I was a little thrown off as to what I should tell him. I don't know him well enough to tell him a whole lot, I don't know what his family life is, so did I say enough? Did I tell him enough to make him understand the meaning of the word? I doubt it. What I wanted to tell him is how mean, spiteful, ignorant, hateful word that word is? That it's not something that we should be using i our everyday life? That just because it's used in rap music doesn't make it a good word? That it's not cool to be one? Read this article, or this one from Ebony. It's not a word I ant my daughter to know/hear but I can't keep it from her. I know that sooner or later it will come up. I will have to tell her about the first time I heard the word, what it means, etc. But P is not my kid I can't tell him that. I can't tell him that his is one of the few words out there that has done so much harm to us as a race/culture, the pain that our ancestors felt upon hearing that word. I wanted to much to hug him and tell him what the word really means. But I can't. All I can do is hold onto the pain and hope that things change.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
simply smiling at a boy is not "shooting fish in a Is this what we are teaching our daughters? That it's ok to flirt with someone to get something, even if it is food. Aren't we suppose to teach them that we should earn what we want? That flirting with men is not about "shooting fish in a barrel"? I mean no offense to this little girl but this is bad commercial.
Monday, May 26, 2008
On another note, every night when I go to bed, I try not to think. (Weird, right? I know I have a lot of weirdness coming out of me today.) I try to clear my mind and just relax and not think about all the things I should have gotten done (the clothes that still need to be folded and but away, the dishes in the sink, do we have milk?) and just let it go. But then all these great ideas for post pop into my head and I have to fight the urge to get up (at 1:30am) and turn the computer on to write them even though I know when I get up in the morning I won't remember what they are until I go to bed again the next night. It really is a little disturbing to me, that I have all these great ideas, projects for Savie or school, To-do lists, but when I get up the next morning they wont be there. Is that a sign that I am getting older or is it just a fact of life? Should I get post-its and leave them on the nightstand so I can write these ideas down?
This weeks prompt is Tell about your job (or one you've had) so lets see do I tell about the job I have now? Or one of the many jobs that I have had in the past? Do I tell about getting up at 6 am almost every morning with a foot in my back because we co-sleep? About not being able to cuddle with my husband because my daughter is in the middle of the bed? Or do I tell about the stupid people that have come thru my lines over the years asking me stupid questions? like working at Dollar Tree where the sign says "Everything's a dollar" and being asked how much something is?
Anyone that has read my blog before knows that I love my job, no matter what happens. Whether it's getting sick at 4am and puking all over me, potty training stories, or just being silly at the park, my daughter is my life. Not something I thought I would say 4 yrs ago. I was pretty sure that I would not be married or have kids but that has all changed. I have my daughter, my husband and a completely different life then what was in my head about ten years ago, lol.
My day to day life is hectic and every changing. When I worked at a real job, as society calls it, I worked the same thing over and over. True it was a little different every day but it was basically the same thing, change this to that, move this to there. I worked retail so I saw everything. I worked holidays and saw the best and worst of people I saw people push older people out of the way so they could get to the register first. I've seen people give a dollar or two to help a single mother pay for something for her kids. But would I really want to go back to that? not really. I love the job I have now.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
it means to stop doing something you like
to give up something you want
or thrive at
can you do that?
Can you make your heart stop
beating for something you want,
something you want so bad?
Or do you continue with what you want?
to quit hearing the "No's"?
the "you can't do that"?
I for one will not quit just yet
I will not quit being a fighter
I will not quit being a friend
I will not quit
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I think the other reason this is really bumming me out is that hubby hurt his back earlier this week and is having a hard time walking let along working and so far there is nothing new coming in. (Oh I forgot to mention that I placed an ad in one of the papers for a month so that should help some) But wait there's one more. Murphy's Law says all bad things come in three's. I am sick. Have been since Friday morning. I was hoping that it was just allergies and I could still go to "work" but when I went to bed on Thurs., at 5pm mind you, I was just feeling so icky. And I am one of those people that doesn't like to be around people when I am stuffy, hot, icky, uncomfortable, etc. I woke up with a runny nose, slight fever, and coughing. I was not going to be around those kids and make any of them sick so I took Savie to school and laid down trying to sleep (see this post to find out why) and then went back to get her. I still felt icky and the weather wasn't helping with that at all.
For the past 5 days we have been under a windy advisory which means that the wind can get up to 50 MPH. Joy right? Isn't that a tornado in some areas? I thought we got off lucky and there was no wind damage to our house at all but that is not the case. True this is an old mobile home and there are lots of things that need to be fixed but the only thing that broke off was a cheap plastic fake window shutter (if you really want to see a picture let me know). That's it, which is pretty good considering that the dance studio lost some windows (up to high for the kids to hurt themselves thank goodness), a church down the street had a tree fall on top of them, and a couple of down fences. It was just a bad storm to be in ans being sick at the same time does not help any ones mood.
So I am sitting here trying not to cry because I can't go to school this session, I'm sick and the weather is crappy.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
13 things I can do one-handed.
- Wash my face
- Take a shower
- Wash my daughter's hair
- Comb and braid my daughter's hair
- Wash dishes
- Drive a car
- Get on the computer (can't go a day without blogging)
- Wash clothes
- Hang clothes on the clothesline
- Make the bed (putting new sheets and everything on the bed)
- Get ice out of the tray
- Go grocery shopping
- Take the garbage out.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Since I can't get my hand wet I have had to use a plastic bag to keep my hand dry. It feels weird and makes it a little hard to wash my daughter's hair but it works. The kitchen gloves are for, well, the kitchen. This is the first time that I have ever used kitchen gloves. I am not one to use gloves I need to feel what I am washing.
What works for you?
Monday, May 12, 2008
The other thing I want to talk about tonight is parenting. I have been working for the past 2 days. Friday morning and today, I will also be working tomorrow and everything is going great. The kids are having just as much as fun as they normally would have and no one is getting hurt. A friend has been coming and "helping" out. She asked me this morning if it was ok that she was coming because it seems like i put her son in time out the most.
I am not one to tell someone how to raise their children. What to say to them, discipline, that kind of thing. But this is the thing. Her son has issues with fighting. Not that that is a bad thing but that is how they show affection in their family. That's fine but there are rules at daycare. There is no fighting, pushing, etc so yes he does get put in time out a lot. But I chalk it up to the fact that he hasn't been there before or a lot for that matter. It's like expecting someone to understand and do another person's rules if they haven't been there in a year. I wanted to tell her that yes, her son is a trouble maker but not int he way she thinks. I have a hard time telling people no (which is probably why K is still a friend, lol) but this is something that I can't tell her.
So my question to you mommies is this......Do you tell your friend that her coming to help is not help? That her son is a trouble maker? That I'm not singling him out? (Now keep in mind when you answer this that I am not the best friend here, I have known this woman for about 2 yrs but get along with her pretty well. I jokingly refer to her as our "cruise director" in the group.)
so this is the challenge. Use less, or no, paper towels. Simple right. Not so, at least not at first. The first week, last week, was just to keep track of how and when you use them. I haven't done that, at all but let me see if I can list some uses off the top of my head.
- wiping down the cutting board. ( don't feel so great using a sponge for this)
- small spills on the table
- drying hands off because dish towel is missing
- napkin for meals
Sunday, May 11, 2008
The telephone. It's a great invention. i don't know what I would do without it. There's so many good and bad things about it that it's hard to pick one moment in time that is just the moment for me.
There was the call i made to my father telling him about my boyfriend (at the time), telling him him his (they are the same age by the way). Or maybe it was the phone call telling my family that i was pregnant. That was a call i know my mother was waiting for. True she has four grand kids already but i am still her daughter. doesn't every mother want that for her daughter? to experience the ups and downs of being pregnant? the labor? and then holding that little bundle of joy?
those are the good phone calls, for me anyways. but there are a few that i am not looking forward to. there's the call, that will be coming, telling me that my grandmother (my last grandparent by the way) has passed. i know that it is coming but i also know that when it comes i will not be ready. i will drop the phone, i will cry and not be able to tell my daughter "what is wrong with mommy".
Because of this, i think, it's one of the reasons that i answer the phone "someone better be in the hurt" when my phone rings at odd hours of the day/night.
Friday, May 9, 2008
The second thing, and not even scary to me, is having my hand taken care of. I have finally decided that I will just have it taken out. I'm trying to plan my weekend (Farmer's Market, dinner, etc) but it's hard since I don't know what to expect. You know how long before I can use my hand, how much is it going to hurt, stuff like that. But I think it will be ok. I need to go to bed and be ready for Friday for the kids!!!!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Everyone, well every mother, gets the "You know your a mother" email. I love them. They're cute and very true. I love the part about peed on and pooped on. It makes me laugh, but there are other things about being a mother that have changed me.
- going to the bathroom by myself is a luxury
- eating a hot dinner is a rare treat
- I always have Kleenex, wipes, and plastic bags in the car and my bag
- my purse is a backpack
- getting puked on is not a big deal
- you would rather they puke on your hands then in the car
- sharing with the dog is "normal"
Monday, May 5, 2008
It's a wonderful thing. most of the time. When I first met a lot of the ladies that I am now friends with we did the usual conversation "Where did you grow up? Is your family near here?" etc. I have a short version of my answers of course (third of four girls, all my family is in CA, etc) even though I love to hear about other people's family I don't really want to bore people my story. It's not a boring story or anything but it's not interesting to me. It makes me wonder, what will my daughter tell people when they ask? Will she have good things to say? Or will it be about how she uses our dog as a horse? That she loves us just as much as we love her?
I think that she will have so many stories to tell her friends. We are a family of 4 and yes one of those four is a dog. Halley is just as much a part of the family as any Savie is. I laugh when I think about how I have to spell words, not because of Savie but because Halley knows the word, lol. Yes it may sound funny but it's the true. She has a big vocabulary for a dog her age and is so well behaved, when it's just us. I don't know what I will do when she is gone.
I know most of the time I don't make sense to her, or to myself halfway the time, but there is just so much that I want to say but I'm never totally sure if my family is reading this or not. It would make it easier for me to say what I need to say. Like I said I am the third of four and since my younger sister and i are close in age you would think that we would be a little closer but we aren't. We live in the same state but barely talk to each other, even with e-mails we barely talk. It's kinda sad when yo think about it. I wish we were closer, maybe not geographically, but emotionally. I wish that things were a little better than they are now but I have to take what I can get. I have to be happy with the family that I have now, my husband, my daughter and my dog (that doesn't sound good does it?). I just want my daughter to feel loved and wanted by the family , and also by the friends, that we have around us.
I am really behind. I was tagged awhile back but am just now getting to do it. (Sorry BDG) So here goes.
Link the person who tagged you.
Mention the rules in your blog.
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
Six unspectacular quirks (now, readers, if you know the goddess, everything about her is spectacular!!)
1. I despise shopping for clothes in the mall, a quirk I share with Smell Goods Spa and Black Domestic Goddess. If I didn't have to go to the mall I would avoid it but on the other hand I am a little leery about buying online sometimes.
2. I love ketchup and pasta sauce but can't stand tomatoes on my burger.
3. I can hear people chewing and it bothers me.
4. I refuse to pass gas anywhere but in a bathroom. on the toilet.
5. I don't like people to touch my feet and I hate wearing shoes but I hate to go shopping for them.
6. I wanted to be a stripper when I was in my twenty's.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
A couple of days ago I noticed a lump on the back of my left hand but didn't think much of since it didn't hurt. But then this morning I reached for something and had shooting pain in the hand. I almost dropped a pen. I figured that by the time I went back to pick up Savie from school that it would be ok but that wasn't the case. I took us to the ER to get it looked at and it turns out that I have a Ganglion Cyst on my left hand. I still have an appt. tomorrow so hopefully we will know something. Keep your fingers crossed.